When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
