you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
