I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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