dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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