i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
