I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
