Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
