You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
