I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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