Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
