If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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