Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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