i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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