Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
