Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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