You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
