the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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