You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
