Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
