Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize