Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
