things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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