Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
