I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
