Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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