Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
