need another drink. this is the easiest way
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
