I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize