worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
