I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
