when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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