It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
