we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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