I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
