i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
