he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
