pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
