I puked a lego.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
