Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
