I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
