if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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