I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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