If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
