well you can't waste a boner
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
