Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You pole danced in your parka.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
