Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think your dad took our porno
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
