This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
