why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
