I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
