I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
