even my farts smell like vagina
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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