I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
