If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
