On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
