YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
