The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
