my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
