the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
