dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
