you guys were way drunker than both of me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
