at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
