Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
