what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
