it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't put those talents on a resume
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
