I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
