I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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