How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
