So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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